Posts Tagged ‘after’

Talking With Women – Dating After Divorce

Wednesday, October 13th, 2010

Talking With Women – Dating After Divorce

Ah, the core issue in all of this dating stuff, eh? How to chat it up with the fairer sex without looking like a jerk, feeling like a jerk, or clamming up and not talking at all.

The balance to be obtained is your own comfort level, and not stupifying the woman into sliding you into the “friend zone” if that’s not where you’re going.

Unfortunately the bad news is that staying out of the “friend zone” is more a matter of who you pick, rather than what you say. Once a relationship heads a certain direction, it’s sometimes better to move it to the back  burner or eliminate it, rather than try to convert into something it will never be.

TIP – This is where ALL of the “cocky and funny” pick up artists tricks will fail you miserably. Funny and assertive “cockiness” cannot be transplanted into someone who simply does not feel that way. It’s much better to project interest in the woman, and to continue asking her questions about herself and her life. Think about the comfortable conversations you have with your male friends, you don’t hang out with them trying to be “cocky and funny”, you simply talk about things you all have an interest in, and you crack jokes about things when it seems appropriate.

So let’s get into what you should say, and how you should say it. The entire “secret” is to be conversational and talk about things that don’t involve you personally. If you’re talking about the crappy carpet in the bathrooms, or how bad your friend drives, you haven’t stuck your own neck in any uncomfortable nooses.

First of all, we want to forget about lists of things to say, and “secret phrases” that drive women wild. There is no better way to make yourself nervous then to try to remember a bunch of tips and pick up lines that you read in a book.

Remember, the main way to success with women is to make sure she knows you fit in. If you fit in with the crown, then she fits in when she’s with you, and that make her comfortable – the main goal in any relationship.

Pick out items in the environment you are both in, a lamp, the chairs, the music, the food, pick two or three things, it’s simple.

Form questions about those items to ask people about. Think of them as you would ask anyone, man or woman alike.

- I need some new lamps for my apartment, and I like those blue ones. Do you like that color or is it too dark?

- I’m checking out caterers for my sister’s wedding (or office party, or graduation, or whatever), and I’d like to know what you think of these hors d’oeuvres.

- Do you eat lunch around here? my friend and I (if you’re wingman equipped) really need a new place to try for lunch.

See how all of those questions don’t lead in any way toward sex, or hooking up? They’re comfortable, and you can easily ask them of anyone. If she’s snippy with you or disinterested, don’t take it personally – move on, it’s easy to do so, because you weren’t presenting yourself to her, you were just being conversational – no personal investment, so it’s painless.

Don’t have any specific expectation for any particular conversation. The number one reason men get nervous in a conversation is that they are not focusing on the discussion, but rather the outcome and/or what the woman is supposedly thinking about them. The great news is that the woman you just met may have made some initial snap judgements about you, but after that, she’s probably thinking about her too tight shoes, or her day at work tomorrow, etc., you are not really a big concern on her radar.

Since you’re not tightly focused on a goal, and the woman is just hoping you’re not a maniac, compliment someone else in the area, and see if she agrees.

The next bit is the key, and it’s the easiest bit to do. Make a move to walk away – be polite about it, and tell her you need to mingle some more. Again, don’t have a specific expectation, but do look for her reaction. The comfortable and easy part about this is that if the conversation is dragging, and you don’t know what to do, this gives you a comfortable, easy escape, no fuss, no muss. If she holds onto your arm, or makes other gestures, looks, or outright requests for you to stay or come back later she WILL. 100 percent of the time, without fail. We guarantee this. Woman who want companionship and who think you are even close to being the person to do that with will absolutely indicate that to you, they are never shy about that.

It’s up to you at this point to decide if the woman is someone you’re interested in spending more time with or not. So all you have to do is to decide to stay or go. Make your choice now.

If you decide to stay and chat with her some more, it CAN get a little nerve wracking to keep the conversation going, so next give her a couple choices: Invite her immediately to accompany you to a cool little martini bar or similar quieter local bar nearby, or ask her for an email address and/or phone number to catch up with her later. Whatever she decides, you had NO SPECIFIC EXPECTATIONS for anyway, so it’s cool and easygoing.

Note how the entire new process you’re learning is like rolling a ball down the stairs, you just jump and let things happen. You don’t have to have elaborate plans about exactly how it’s going to come out, you just give the ball a little nudge and let it go where it wants to.

It’s an incredibly natural feeling process which works magnificently for us, and we know it will work great for you.

You need a comfortable way to start dating again after divorce. We talk with hundreds of divorced daters, and try out many new methods, to develop the easy techniques we teach.

How to Improve Your Marriage after a Marital Affair ?

Wednesday, October 13th, 2010

How to Improve Your Marriage after a Marital Affair ? One of the Most Important Steps

If you want to improve your marriage after a marital affair, concerted effort in the area of communication is necessary.  And while several aspects of the communication principle need to be addressed in this process, one of the most important is in the area of transparency.

Transparency for the sake of this purpose is the idea that nothing is hidden or kept from each other.  Even if previously, there were barriers in conveying details of each other’s lives.  If a marital affair has occurred, those barriers must be removed and all areas opened up and kept transparent.

In your attempt to improve your marriage by being lucent with one another, here are some thoughts to keep in mind operating under your new “transparency” rule.

Decide on what topics and how detailed the communication should be – while being very open and honest about all things big and small is vital to improving your marriage after a marital affair has happened, there are some things that you both can agree on that don’t need to be shared unless it’s simply for the sake of conversation.  For example, letting your spouse know that you stopped for a cup of coffee on the way to work is important.  However, the fact that you got a small, medium, or large cup may not be…nor may be the information about adding cream or sugar or drinking it black.
Each party must commit to sticking with the transparency rule – concerted effort must be made by both spouses in order to ensure the improvement of a marriage after a marital affair has taken place.  And despite the desire to withhold information or details from your spouse out of our human need for independence, avoid getting frustrated with him/her when questions arise based on the input given in your attempts to be open with one another.  This holds especially true when it applies to the spouse who had the affair.  It’s important to understand that the questioning is all part of the healing process.
Recognize and appreciate the effort being given by each other – when a marital affair occurs, it’s critical that both of you understand the great deal of damage that is caused.  In many cases the mere thought of it occurring can bring the unsuspecting spouse to their knees.  The fact that it actually happened has an impact that’s 1,000 times worse than that.  If you’ve both committed to trying to save and improve your marriage after infidelity, then patience, understanding, and appreciation for the effort you both are making is vital.

A marital affair can be disastrous to a marriage.  However, the possibility exists where you can improve your marriage and save it if you apply the transparency rule following the steps provided above.